All · the · world's · a · stage...

Okay, I did this religiously for nearly 3 years. Now I haven't updated in like, 6 months.
Freaking facebook.
And now, freaking twitter.

Okey dokey. I will try really hard to continue to update-mostly because I don't wanna sign up for blogger, because I cannot deal with yet one more place for everyone to find me on the internet.

Sigh.

Gary left town for the cruise ship last Thursday, so I've finally moved into my new place.
I'm not unpacked yet, since I'm still trying to help David pack up and clean out the old place. He leaves on Thursday.
After four years, I'm excited to have my own space, complete with my own bathroom, to decorate and arrange by myself rather than by committee.
Well, the rest of the apartment is remaining largely unchanged-not the kitchen though, because that needs a major overhaul-that must by done by committee, however.
AND
in case you haven't heard my transports of delight all over the internet-I can do laundry for free at my house on a regular basis now.
That is completely worth the price of admission right there.
Though the bathroom thing is awesome, too.
Slightly longer update, complete with pictures, to come later.

But for now:

These are the "Forever Plaid" boys that we've been working with all summer (I totally stole this from one of their Facebook profiles, too, so if Austin ever sees this-Thank you!).
Awwww....
More about that later, too

I'm...not entirely sure what happened just now.
But I think it was bad.
And I don't think it was my fault...or anyone's fault for that matter, but somehow a friendly discussion turned south REALLY quickly and the only thing I can think of is that today is just NOT MY DAY because, between this and everything else that went wrong with my day today I am just...confused.
And I feel like crying really, really hard for a really, really long time because I am done with today and every day subsequent to today until God or my karma stops fucking with me, since I haven't done anything that I can think of that would make either of those, or any other, entities turn against me.
Now I sound like I have a giant persecution complex, but that's not it, I am just...confused. About how today could SUCK so entirely and how, no matter who I was talking to today, I always seemed to come out of conversations and interactions worse off both emotionally and mentally than when I went in.
And it makes me...suicidal is not the right word, but one that meant something close to what that word connotes without the nasty "dead" implication.
Yeah.

I am really enjoying my job at the box office-so much that I don't even mind staying an extra two hours to help spruce up the place. It's an old theatre that needs some love and most of the things have already been refurbished and replaced so now it's all paperwork and cosmetic things dealing with the marquee boards and seating charts.
It also doesn't hurt that the actors for the show come in around five everyday, so unless I work the closing shift or stay longer I don't really see them, and they are absolutely adorable. Sometimes in a way that I want to just pat them on the head or put them in my pocket to take them out to sing for me...and...sometimes they are adorable in a way that makes me feel like a dirty old lady for thinking about and looking at 18 and 19 year olds in the way that I am thinking about and looking at them. So...yeah.
But it gives me something to do.

Okay. So I had another bad asthma attack, I didn't wind up in the hospital this time-technically. I went to the urgent care place and they prescribed some more inhalers and such but, as pharmacies are not open on Sundays, I had to go to the ER yesterday for some of the medicine to get me through the night. I'm not recovering as quickly as I'd like, I went home early from work today because I can't stop coughing and I was falling asleep on the bar (I didn't sleep at all last night), but at least I can breathe now.

I have a gigantic crush on a boy that is probably all wrong for me personality-wise, that I do not know terribly well (like, don't know his last name at all "terribly well"), that I only ever see at the bar (deliberately), and whom may or may not have a girlfriend-depending on whether or not the dysfunctional relationship he is already in works out.
But we have two hour long conversations about various things (only occasionally including our unfortunate love lives) nearly every time I see him. He seems to be smart and amusing and grounded and completely the opposite of the boys that I have dated since I've been in Durango-I am tired of shopping for men in the little boy's section so that's nice.
And all I want to do is take him home and fuck his brains out.
This is like fuckingAlex all over again.
I never, ever learn.
It's not funny.
I never, ever, ever learn.

In other news, my hours changed at the theatre...again. It's starting to piss me off a little bit. I'm the only one in the box office who is working two jobs so I know it's my responsibility to work it out but...more than 24 hours notice would be nice, guys.

David is healing quickly. He started physical therapy on Monday-his therapist told him that he was abnormal and that made him very happy (long story).

I was really bored until about a month ago. I prayed for things to do so that I would be able to have a full schedule. Now I just wanna be bored again. To use the cliche-the grass really is greener on the blahblahblahunorigionalitycakes.

Also, I have finally found not one but TWO video games besides "Rock Band" that I actually enjoy playing: "Cooking Mama" for Nintendo DS and "Lego Indiana Jones" for DS. My nerd quotient just increased tenfold, because I can't even find COOL video games to enjoy...

Okay. Sleeping now

Sometimes, my need for boring domestisity is so great that I'll do all the laundry, dishes and cleaning of various rooms, just so that I can take a shower and make dinner.
Today is one of those days.
My bipolar attitude about housework seems to disturb David a bit-I'll go for months and months without cleaning anything and then I'll get all OCD and do it all in one day and spend the rest of the month anal-retentively scolding people for leaving the dinner dishes in the sink instead of rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher.
I think that I either need to work on that, or just live alone until I figure this all out.

Okay, so I went job hunting today, nothing looked all that promising. However, my friend Athena suggested that I call Sophie (who was the head of the committee that I was on for the Film Festival this year) at the Strater theatre because there were a few spots open in the box office and for ushers. So I called her at ten this morning and I got hired over the phone by 3:30 this afternoon. I have to go talk to her on Monday about the specifics but I think that I'll be able to work both positions if I work only closing shifts at the Abbey-I'm super excited. Sure, it's still hourly wages and not onstage or backstage, but I'm working somewhere that is at least connected in some way to my degree.
And I get to work with Sophie and Athena, which is my favorite part.

David and I have broken up for good. He's leaving in August to go back to California. I have no idea where I'm going (more on this in a moment). It was a mostly amiable (if that's the correct word) breakup, we're still living together for the time being, mostly for financial reasons, but it is a bit strange. It's been nearly a two months now since we made that official and there are still things that I'm not entirely okay with-namely the violation of a few rules on his part that I was expected to stick to at all times. I try not to be all high-and-mighty about that but...after four years of enforcing "the rules" with me, you are not allowed to just do whatever you please in regards to them, David. Also, there are now a few relationships that have been completly broken beyond repair through the process of discovery-things that I will be mad about for awhile, that I feel justified being mad about; and I am beginning to resent the occasional appearance of at least one person whose betrayal, while not entirely unexpected, is entirely unforgivable-because she has done it before, to at least another one of her "good friends" and I have no doubt that she will do it again-and that not only makes her a bad friend, that makes her a pretty shitty human being.
Now, I have two options as to where I am going: I'm staying here in Durango or I'm going to Boulder to move in with my brother-at least for a little while, so I can save up some money, finally apply to Northwestern like I've been talking about for the last year and get my shit together, because it is about damn time that I did so.
I feel like I've wasted the last year of my life here, because I look at everything that I had planned, last year, to have acomplished by this time this year and none of it got done. I have no one to blame but myself, but it still sucks a bunch to feel like this.

And, completely unrealted notes: David's mother is staying with us all summer again this year, which seemed like it was going to suck completely but turned out to be a pretty good thing the other day as David had a major accident at work, which led to surgery, and will be off his feet for 4-6 weeks. Since a cook can't exactly...cook...without both legs functioning, at least not in a commercial kitchen, he has no income for 4-6 weeks-other than the workman's compensation and accident insurance that will go mostly to pay for his hospital bills. Now, my opinion on this may change in the coming months, but right now I'm sort of okay having her around.

So, I have some decisions to make...but right now I have to take a shower and go apply for a couple of part-time jobs to suppliment my pittance from the Abbey.

I think I actally have more to talk about, but I have to gather my thoughts first. Maybe I'll update more often from now on.

44 Things
What's your 44?

Learn 44 things about your friends, and let them learn 44 things about you! Send Back to me and to several more friends!!-

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yes, but only on cheeseburgers.
2. Have you ever smoked? Yes. Lots of things.
3. Do you own a gun? Nope.
4. What was your favorite Kool-Aid flavor? Not really a fan, I guess some sort of red flavor.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not for regular checkups, but if it's asthma related I do. I'm sick of being prescribed steriods to make me breathe better.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? Evil, virulent poison in sausage casing.
7. Favorite Christmas movie? Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? If I've managed to drag myself out of bed in the morning I am having a bloody mary. Otherwise, tea.
9. Can you do push ups? Oh god, no. It's embarrassing.
10. Do you have any tattoos? One right now, planning on at least three more.
11. What's your favorite piece(s) of jewelry? The diamond graduation necklace that my grandmother had made from her engagement ring.
12. Favorite hobby? Pretending to be a photographer.
13. Do you have A.D.D.?: Um, no. Not that I know of.
14. What's one trait you hate about yourself? I'm freaking Cassandra, it's very inconvienient.
15. Middle name? Elizabeth.
16. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: I really could find reruns of Law and Order 24 hours a day if I wanted to. Cocina Linda sounds good, I need tamales. Who am I working with today?
17. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: Lots of tea, Crown and Coke, Zuberfizz rootbeer.
18. Current concern? Where I'm going and what I'm going to do there come August.
19. Current hate right now? Snide notes in the log book at work extolling us all to do more sidework so that it doesn't become someone else's responsibility, written by the person who thinks they are immune from doing any sidework at at all.
20. Favorite place to be? Curled up on the couch watching the ferrets run around.
21. How did you bring in the New Year? At the Tavern, like the last four years running.
22. Where would you like to go? Europe, Grad School at Northwestern.
23. Name three people who will complete this? I don't think anyone actually reads this anymore so...
24. Do you own slippers? ...some...where...in my giant shoebox? With the rest of my footwear? I think?
25. What shirt are you wearing? Black tunic tank top.
26. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No, they feel weird and they're always cold.
27. Can you whistle? No, it is my greatist regret in life...sigh...
28. Favorite color? Blue, all shades.
29. Would you be a pirate? I think I'd make a pretty crappy pirate.
30. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever is on my mp3 player on my phone.
31. What's in your pocket right now? A cigarette lighter and fifty cents in change.
32. Last thing that made you laugh? Lots of things last night at karaoke.
33. Best bed sheets as a child? Blue and red flannel.
34. Worst injury you've ever had? Cumulation of cooking, sewing, glue gun and cat scratches that make up the scars all over my hands. Popcorn machine burns.
35. Do you love where you live? ...Sometimes. Mostly when I get nostalgic.
36. How many TVs do you have in your house? In use-2. Held in storage for other people or because David collects TVs for some reason-3.
37. Who is your loudest friend? Okay, I work in theatre so...yeah, needle in a haystack there.
38. How many dogs do you have? None. We own ferrets.
39. Does someone have a crush on you? Maybe. I hope he does, at least.
40. What is your favorite book? Either "White Oleander" or "Dreaming in Cuban."
41. What is your favorite candy? Tropical Skittles.
42. What is your favorite football team? Don't watch football. Or any sports really.
43. What were you doing at 12 a.m.? Singing "Black Velvet" to a room full of drunk people.
44. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? The sun is far too bright in this room.

Heath Ledger is dead. That...really sucks. And I don't really know what else to say, other than that I am shocked and a little bit sad for all of the movies that he'll never make now. Just when he was getting good...

first I get the damn flu or something, and now just I start feeling better, I get my damn period. What the fuck is next? Now I've gotta go out and spend MORE money on MORE shit to make myself feel less achey and crappy-plus tampons...ugh.